October 3rd Journal Entry for Morgiana Blackwell

4 october, 2000


Day three of this stupid journal. Technically I should have written in it last night. I let myself go and was a little too far gone for proper thought, let alone anything resembling writing. so yesterday (the third) I made the hour and a half drive from Richard’s estate to Seattle. the bronco is holding up all right. I went to class with his lordship. twat. No really I like the guy and it kinda hard not to but that fuck has had everything given to him since he was born. silver spoon golden cup kinda thing. as a result he gives off this distinct feeling that he believes he is better than all of us that toil in the dirt. well fuck him. at least that’s what I say to myself until I’m actually around him then there is just this thing about him that makes me want to like the twat.

anyway I digress. I finished my class and went to the Y on fourth to teach my weekly women’s self defense class. after that I went up to Left Bank to meet with Karli. As usual I brought her a lox Bagle and she brewed up some tea. after a bit of chit chat about what was news in the market she prodded me as to what was wrong, saying I had been awkward even for me (that was saying something). she pulled the whole Warburten thing out of me and became absolutely delighted. evidently she thought me having interest in anything other than work drinking or helga was huge. she convinced me that I should ask him out to the alibi for a few drinks, maybe I could dig up some dirt on him for Rich. right, cover the personal interest thing with work. god I’m such an idiot.

so I left Left Bank and went down to the Can Can for two shots of liquid dumbass while she sent an email off to his lordship. amazingly he replied not only did he reply he said yes. oh god now what? so up in left bank I took another pull, this time from Karli’s vodka and washed the stink off my shirt in her sink. she was kind enough to go down with me and give me tips on normal conversation with a male, something I have not really been able do since Russia. except Richard of course, and Big Jim but that doesn’t count cause, well shit I don’t know why but it doesn’t. oh and Sean I guess but that’s not normal that’s drunk. So Karli tells me to ask about him, just keep the conversation focused on him. cause everyone likes talking about themselves.

His lordship arrived with man-servant in tow. They looked so out of place it was comical. seriously it was like they watched grease then had Mr Gucci design them something based off of the movie, but nicer. So he’s there and I order a couple of shots of patron for us. I even ask Sean to chill them. I start asking about him but instead of it seeming as though I’m interested it seems like I’m interrogating. dumb ass dumb ass dumb ass. So we talk awkwardly for a bit and his lackey pipes in a few times with dismissive petty remarks. I guess he thinks he’s cute. The man, Maxwell I think is what Warburton called him, carries a slight tension in his shoulders that speaks of violence, or at least an aptitude for it. I’m not killing him with magic if I light his clothes on fire right? as long as the magical fire is gone when he dies right? no probably is still killing him with magic. pooh. Richard if you read this I’m joking I would never light a man on fire for being a petty and or dismissive ass, and I wouldn’t light his very nice clothes on fire either.

Then shit gets really interesting. Who walks in but Miss Selina Childs herself. She walks over to our table and starts talking to Warbuton while intently looking at yours truly. I locked my eyes on the monster’s forehead and didn’t waver. Unfortunately my stare and nerves didn’t waver but any semblance of control over the situation did, while the monster invited him to dinner all I could think to offer for him to stay was myself. I didn’t want this poor fool to walk into a den of death without at least a bit of protection but the way I went about it was foolish.

Something had been said about not wanting to leave his car in the area and I replied with not leaving his ride in the bar alone. He said and I quote “I dont like my rides used”. Well I just snapped. Talk about the wrong choice of words. He couldn’t have known about my past but it still bit deep and I didn’t maintain even the slightest facade of civility. I think I said something to the extent of “get fucked then get bit you piece of shit.” I really over-reacted, but it hurt, a lot. I’m talkin memories flashed back on top of a rejection and abandonment by a male, that is another deep seeded issue that I need to work on according to Dr RIchard, and it was all I could do not to start crying then and there or break his upturned nose. so I did what any self respecting wardens apprentice would. I got shitfaced with Big Jim, got a few lap dances and then picked a fight with and kicked the shit out of this repeat toucher from Deja Vu Showgirls. That made me feel a little better for about 3 minutes.

Karli found me puking in the trash on the corner of pike and 1st on her was back from her market. she brought me in and got the gist of the nights events out of me. she held me as I “cried” about how awkward I am, about how it’s my fault if he gets eaten or worse turned, etc. etc. funny thing about my crying is that i have not been able to shed tears since shortly after Russia so its more like shaking.

I woke up on her floor this morning at five and ran off my hangover (truth be told I was probably still drunk). I ran up pine to broadway over to denny and then down into queen anne. I told myself this was just to get an extra mile in but I can see richard rolling his eyes now. so back to my apt for a soak in the clawfoot tub that was an original part of my apt complex. Edgar visited me while I was bathing and I pretended to not see him till the little fucker started tapping on the window pane. I let him in and he just sat on the edge of the tub turning his head at me and staring with his little black eyes till I gave in, called him a perve and got him a bit of the ham sandwich I had left over from yesterday. he sat with me for a bit more while I bored him to tears with my questions and woes until he hopped over to me bit my ear and flew away. stupid bird. After I was all cleaned off I took the 15 min walk through the light drizzle to Seattle’s Best where I am now writing this. next I have to start a conversation with a complete stranger and get a number per orders of Dick. He says it’s good for rebuilding my social skills. Dick. After this I’ll probably hit the bag at the Y and try meditating for a bit.

October 3rd Journal Entry for Morgiana Blackwell

The City of Darkened Emeralds morgiana